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You can't understand shy.
4 min read
A person is not shy can not understand a person who is.
To call yourself "shy" and then say you just put on an act in front of others that you "aren't shy" is nonsense.
If you were truly shy, you couldn't put on any act. And if you're putting on an act in front of others that you are NOT shy, does that mean you can lose the act and BE SHY once you're by yourself? That's silly. When you're by yourself, you're not shy with yourself!
Are you shy?
Imagine someone calls you a sociopath (: "a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.").
"Extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior" - when you're shy, you aren't going around greeting people and starting conversations of your own accord.
"A lack of conscience (: "is an aptitude, faculty, intuition or judgment that assists in distinguishing right from wrong.") - So when you don't get up to greet someone, or when someone says "how are you?" and you only reply with a "fine" and no inquiry as to how THEY are, you are apparently deemed with having no sense of what's right or wrong, like you're stupid. When really, you are just SHY.
Someone who is not shy can not understand what it's like to be shy.
Everyone can be nervous, uncertain, "shy" at times, but that doesn't make "them" as a whole, "shy". Anyone can feel uncomfortable having to present in front of a crowd, but a shy person will feel uncomfortable to a point of anxiety and feel a dreadful feeling inside.
Being shy is something that is beyond one's control. I can want to be not shy but I can't help the hesitation I feel inside. It's extremely uncomfortable.
I've thought countless times that if I could just wear a long blonde wig and clothes I wouldn't normally wear, I could go out and do anything just fine. That would suggest that I can't do things because I am me - I don't like me. And while you shouldn't care what others think, I can't help it.
I mean, I can say, "I don't care what others think" and in truth, I really don't care what people think in regards to certain things - even if it could hurt me, cuz I just tell myself their opinions don't matter (as that's all they are, opinions) and I'm fine. But .. Clearly, inside of me, whether I'd like to think so or not - a part of me really cares what people think of me, enough to make me hesitate. I don't like it ofc.
Oh well.
And I have OCD, I'm sure. So this wunnn tyyyymme at baaaand ca- wtf no. I started seeing a person to help me with OCD and when I told my parents, my Daddy just says "don't go telling people that or they'll think something's wrong with you." HA. And after reading an entire self-help book about how to overcome OCD and that a positive, encouraging family environment would help! That's what I had to work with. Well he's the same one that said "People say things about you" in regards to me wearing cat ears. And when I say "oh, really? What do they say?" He says "well you know... They think you've got mental problems." To which I hafta profusely disagree with a big smile, asking "Really? Who is 'they'? Who is 'THEY'?" Hint: it's him.
Woooooo. The stress that is evident in that text. Ok so nya. This is venting, really I guess. So there. My thoughts on shiiit. Nya. I just thought dumbshits and dumbfacks who could be so rude as to call a (let's say) " "clinically shy"(?) person a ducking sociopath, need to grasp a better understanding of what it means to have self confidence issues.
Because:
A person who is not shy can not understand a person who is.
To call yourself "shy" and then say you just put on an act in front of others that you "aren't shy" is nonsense.
If you were truly shy, you couldn't put on any act. And if you're putting on an act in front of others that you are NOT shy, does that mean you can lose the act and BE SHY once you're by yourself? That's silly. When you're by yourself, you're not shy with yourself!
Are you shy?
Imagine someone calls you a sociopath (: "a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.").
"Extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior" - when you're shy, you aren't going around greeting people and starting conversations of your own accord.
"A lack of conscience (: "is an aptitude, faculty, intuition or judgment that assists in distinguishing right from wrong.") - So when you don't get up to greet someone, or when someone says "how are you?" and you only reply with a "fine" and no inquiry as to how THEY are, you are apparently deemed with having no sense of what's right or wrong, like you're stupid. When really, you are just SHY.
Someone who is not shy can not understand what it's like to be shy.
Everyone can be nervous, uncertain, "shy" at times, but that doesn't make "them" as a whole, "shy". Anyone can feel uncomfortable having to present in front of a crowd, but a shy person will feel uncomfortable to a point of anxiety and feel a dreadful feeling inside.
Being shy is something that is beyond one's control. I can want to be not shy but I can't help the hesitation I feel inside. It's extremely uncomfortable.
I've thought countless times that if I could just wear a long blonde wig and clothes I wouldn't normally wear, I could go out and do anything just fine. That would suggest that I can't do things because I am me - I don't like me. And while you shouldn't care what others think, I can't help it.
I mean, I can say, "I don't care what others think" and in truth, I really don't care what people think in regards to certain things - even if it could hurt me, cuz I just tell myself their opinions don't matter (as that's all they are, opinions) and I'm fine. But .. Clearly, inside of me, whether I'd like to think so or not - a part of me really cares what people think of me, enough to make me hesitate. I don't like it ofc.
Oh well.
And I have OCD, I'm sure. So this wunnn tyyyymme at baaaand ca- wtf no. I started seeing a person to help me with OCD and when I told my parents, my Daddy just says "don't go telling people that or they'll think something's wrong with you." HA. And after reading an entire self-help book about how to overcome OCD and that a positive, encouraging family environment would help! That's what I had to work with. Well he's the same one that said "People say things about you" in regards to me wearing cat ears. And when I say "oh, really? What do they say?" He says "well you know... They think you've got mental problems." To which I hafta profusely disagree with a big smile, asking "Really? Who is 'they'? Who is 'THEY'?" Hint: it's him.
Woooooo. The stress that is evident in that text. Ok so nya. This is venting, really I guess. So there. My thoughts on shiiit. Nya. I just thought dumbshits and dumbfacks who could be so rude as to call a (let's say) " "clinically shy"(?) person a ducking sociopath, need to grasp a better understanding of what it means to have self confidence issues.
Because:
A person who is not shy can not understand a person who is.
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Happiness :'3
1 min read
Since when did I have over 50 watchers TTvTT?
That's it for this journal :'D <3
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DEAR GOD O^O THIRTY WATCHERS :'D + gift
4 min read
The day has come O^O I remember my happiness at the time I got 29 watchers! I kept saying "the day I get thirty watchers, I'll draw something special" (All my drawings are special >:'D) And I just noticed o.o I can haz 31? *O* //happy 
//crying TvT Omg... I don't even know how to /use/ deviant, did you know that? I've been given lotsa llamas ^-^ (What's it mean exactly e.e?) But how do I give them to anyone else o.o I know money gets put into dA but even so, you can still do lots wiffout it :'P Is there free llamas o.o I feel like giving some out ~ I don't understand exactly, what they're for or why Iam given them.. but .. thank you?? ;v; Iam happy. Thirty one watchers.. yay ; v; I know! Iam in a mood (moods change ya know ;D) and I feel like taking requests - O.O I DO THAT? Sure 
I see "Commisions" all over dA.. a commish is.. drawing done for money, yes? IAM SO CLUELESS @.@ I just go on 'for a moment' to upload a drawing - then I get distracted and am on the computer for hours, looking at all you beautiful people's beautiful art/creations O.O There are certain people I straight up admire. Like damn you, share wiff me your skillz!!!!! ; o; Y U NO SHARE?? v.v I love so many of your guys' artsness ;v; Really ~ <3
Ya know that feeling.. when you think you've drawn good.. then you see someone else's art and your like "..... no." And you feel like giving up? "I could never be as good as that!" Do you ever get like that? Or is that just me? Well, I have a serious case of that. There are those that I think I do do better than tho o.o at least, I like to think I do.. MY POINT IS: You shouldn't have to compare your art to anothers. It's good in it's own way :'D Rly. But you all know that, don't you?
As of recently, spending more and more of my time on dA (OBSESSED) I've changed in that way ^-^ Whereas I used to get jealous.. I now look at you professional people.. and I think "Iam not expected to be like that." And I feel better. I don't like when people look at my work and say "You're so good at drawing! I wish I could draw!" IT's like they're putting themselves down. They're not even giving themselves a chance? If they /really/ wanted to be good at drawing, they'd pick up a pencil, and start. No one's a natural born artist. You build your way up! It's true ^-^ Espeacially don't say you can't draw if you haven't TRIED. Just saying :'P
I now look at peoples art. Art that is the ranks of professionals. I look at there art and think "That's so cool *O* I wish I could do that" I won't stop there >:'I I promise I'll try. It's nice to be able to say progress in art - that's what I think - I LOVE LOOKING AT THOSE DRAW MEMES. Where you redraw an old drawing *.* I see art that I would consider pretty much the same as miine ~ turn into something BIG. twss lol XD I see this person's skills over the year(s?) progress to a point where you wouldn't even recognize the old art!
Iam ranting o.o I just love love love it >v< Seeing progress. Upload a drawing in ink/b&w then upload it AGAIN with colour *O* I love when ppl do that *.* I do it :'3
Okaiii soo ~ how did I end up here again? I was saying something... in particular to the person (?) who reads this.. Iam asking you, would you like some free art ^-^? I've always wanted to do an art trade ; -; ~ <3
//crying TvT Omg... I don't even know how to /use/ deviant, did you know that? I've been given lotsa llamas ^-^ (What's it mean exactly e.e?) But how do I give them to anyone else o.o I know money gets put into dA but even so, you can still do lots wiffout it :'P Is there free llamas o.o I feel like giving some out ~ I don't understand exactly, what they're for or why Iam given them.. but .. thank you?? ;v; Iam happy. Thirty one watchers.. yay ; v; I know! Iam in a mood (moods change ya know ;D) and I feel like taking requests - O.O I DO THAT? Sure I see "Commisions" all over dA.. a commish is.. drawing done for money, yes? IAM SO CLUELESS @.@ I just go on 'for a moment' to upload a drawing - then I get distracted and am on the computer for hours, looking at all you beautiful people's beautiful art/creations O.O There are certain people I straight up admire. Like damn you, share wiff me your skillz!!!!! ; o; Y U NO SHARE?? v.v I love so many of your guys' artsness ;v; Really ~ <3 Ya know that feeling.. when you think you've drawn good.. then you see someone else's art and your like "..... no." And you feel like giving up? "I could never be as good as that!" Do you ever get like that? Or is that just me? Well, I have a serious case of that. There are those that I think I do do better than tho o.o at least, I like to think I do.. MY POINT IS: You shouldn't have to compare your art to anothers. It's good in it's own way :'D Rly. But you all know that, don't you?
As of recently, spending more and more of my time on dA (OBSESSED) I've changed in that way ^-^ Whereas I used to get jealous.. I now look at you professional people.. and I think "Iam not expected to be like that." And I feel better. I don't like when people look at my work and say "You're so good at drawing! I wish I could draw!" IT's like they're putting themselves down. They're not even giving themselves a chance? If they /really/ wanted to be good at drawing, they'd pick up a pencil, and start. No one's a natural born artist. You build your way up! It's true ^-^ Espeacially don't say you can't draw if you haven't TRIED. Just saying :'P
I now look at peoples art. Art that is the ranks of professionals. I look at there art and think "That's so cool *O* I wish I could do that" I won't stop there >:'I I promise I'll try. It's nice to be able to say progress in art - that's what I think - I LOVE LOOKING AT THOSE DRAW MEMES. Where you redraw an old drawing *.* I see art that I would consider pretty much the same as miine ~ turn into something BIG. twss lol XD I see this person's skills over the year(s?) progress to a point where you wouldn't even recognize the old art!
Iam ranting o.o I just love love love it >v< Seeing progress. Upload a drawing in ink/b&w then upload it AGAIN with colour *O* I love when ppl do that *.* I do it :'3
Okaiii soo ~ how did I end up here again? I was saying something... in particular to the person (?) who reads this.. Iam asking you, would you like some free art ^-^? I've always wanted to do an art trade ; -; ~ <3
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PRINTER. Y U NO WORK?!
1 min read
The printer that I use is my parents Lexmark X6150 (I was told it's no good..?) and it's an all-in-one so I like it ^O^ BUT. As of nao, when Iam trying to use it to scan more Halloween drawings - already behind v.v - it won't work. It just says "Hardward Error: 0502" I searched it ~> blog.forret.com/2006/02/lexmar… << but that only seems to help for printing... I want to scan. Or maybe the cleaning is supposed to help the scanning too? In that case, that doesn't work >.> But it seems to have good reviews.. ANYWAY.. my printer/scanner is choosing to fail ;-; And Iam gonna be gone all weekend starting tomorrow on the way to Ottawa - Iam visiting my sister and there's an Anime Stop in Ottawa O^O IMA BUY THIIS >> www.google.ca/search?aq=f&suge…
Becuz I'll be away all weekend.. I was planning to upload all the drawings for the following days /in advance/ SOO... if anyone happens to be looking forward to more drawing uploads of mine ~ specifically my Halloween Calendar drawings.. sorry v.v to disappoint you! ^-^'
Becuz I'll be away all weekend.. I was planning to upload all the drawings for the following days /in advance/ SOO... if anyone happens to be looking forward to more drawing uploads of mine ~ specifically my Halloween Calendar drawings.. sorry v.v to disappoint you! ^-^'
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I just felt like writing ^-^'
1 min read
O.O The last journal I wrote was two years ago @.@ I have hordessss of stuff to upload to here >:'D So those of who could possible admire my art o.o ~ <3 Prepare yourself for overloads of (attempts at) amazing art ^o^; Iam in the mood for making an animation tbh *O* But I don't have my tablet with me e.e So I promise when I get it back , I'll draw somefing cool on teh computer >:'3 Okaayy? Cuz I really can't draw worth shio with a maus T^T Idk ~ I just felt like writing.. thank you to those who "watch" me. I appreciate your stalkerness
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